It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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