So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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