she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
