I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
