u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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