I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
