my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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