when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
