My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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