if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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