I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
