Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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