I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How does one acquire holy water?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
