This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My ATM looks so different sober.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
