I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well I just put wine in my tea
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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