franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
