hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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