hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
