I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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