i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
