I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
she told me i tasted like america
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
