I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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