dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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