You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
