i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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