Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
