this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
