I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
