Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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