Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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