I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
