I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
