found the other keg... it's in the tree
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize