I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
