Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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