so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
