Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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