that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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