The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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