i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
