Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
