$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
