Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
