Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
