im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
