She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
