I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
