Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
