I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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