yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
