he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
