I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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