Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
