yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
