i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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