I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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