Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
