She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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