I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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