ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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