Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
