I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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