I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
