I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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