I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
