Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
