My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
