I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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