apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
