I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
