Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
