I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
