there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
