Too much gin, very little bucket
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
