I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
