honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
