Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
