it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
