How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize