i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
