i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize