I just pynch a tree in the face
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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