I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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