My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
