So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
