So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
