if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
