Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
