just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize