I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
