two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
