I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize