I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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