I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
