you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
