You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
