And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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