I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize