Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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