So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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