I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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