TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
