I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
