Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My penis needs a shock collar
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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