he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
