The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
