So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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