Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize