ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
