I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
