Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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