I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
